HAVE A PINT !

 Have you ever wondered what beer drinkers see in beer? I know a guy who drank till he lost his job... then his wife, his kids followed and even his dog casually moved on.

The question is, what exactly do they see... Is it the taste, the feel, some sort of hidden ecstasy... what?

My expatriate friend Benton, drank so much that he once was at a bar when it got robbed and while others obeyed the robbers and lay flat on the floor, Benton simply strolled to his table, ''hey, you! Are you deaf?'', one of the thieves shouted on top of his voice, ‘Didn’t you hear lie down?’, Benton stood there with a frown swaying from side to side, then finally says, ''Listen mate, you are here doing your own business and I’m here minding mine.. I paid for that drink...'' pointing to a mug full of beer, ''..and by God I’m going to drink it!''.  The robber couldn’t believe his eyes as Benton walked over to the mug, picked it up and gulped down its whole content, finally stamps the cup back on the table and casually lowers himself to the floor, lying face down.

To some people the addiction to beer happens faster than cocaine, I still have a wristwatch some fellow sold me to pay his bill for too many bottles of beer.

I Was with a couple of  friends at a bar and I needed to sign my bill which if you look at had climbed up to three zeros, while ‘I’ only had a soda.. that’s what you get for hanging out with the gulper-squad. Anyway, after paying the bill, rose to my feet and was ready to hit the road, suddenly my friend John who left a few minutes before I stood up suddenly rushes back into the pub accompanied by two guys and shouting on top of his voice. ''There they are! Thieves! Robbers! Ask them where they took my car.. You can go round stealing from people but believe me, you picked the wrong guy this time!''

All the while he shouted, he was pointing round at everyone on our table, and the two guys he came with.. Well, were cops.

Before you can say Barney is purple, we were at the police station explaining to a bunch of guys who only nodded and made sounds like ‘hmmm!’, staring suspiciously at us.

To cut the long story short, I woke up the next morning beside a guy who had lipstick on and kept grinning at me with lustful look in his eyes. A few minutes later, I was brought out of the cell and stood before a large crowd of anxious and angry wives who came to bail out their husbands.

All the women had an ''I told you so'' look on their faces as they looked round at us.

The story was, John had drank so much that he began to hallucinate and in his sub-f**ked up mind, we robbed him of his car and money, even forced him into the bar and made him pay for our drinks. The worse part of this bullshit is that the wanker’s car was safely parked at home.

My wife didn’t really say much when I got home that morning, all I got was ‘the look’ for over a week and she didn’t forget to text me a reminder anytime I stayed out past 7pm.

I cant really say much about alcohol except I think that’s how my cousin Dennis picked the girl he married, she was so short and ugly that when he introduced her to me, I thought he was going to say, ''Martin, I have not been able to wash under my car for a while so I got her to do it!''... but to my surprise, he said, ''Martin, meet my better-half.. This is where my heart lies'', I hesitated and regarded the two of them for a few seconds and thought to myself, ‘could this brute be out of his mind or is today April the first... I’m sure they never quite understood why I laughed while shaking her hand and kept turning to look at the calendar. The error was that he said ‘better-half’, if you ask me I think it should have been ''better extremely ugly half''. I truly don’t know why he spent all that money having a traditional marriage and white wedding when all he had to do was go to a zoo, which is not to far from where they live in Ibadan and pay to get himself a damn ‘monkey’. Anyway, Godzilla left him a year later, probably ran back into the jungle. You wont believe that the last thing she said before leaving his house was... ''people don’t appreciate beauty even if it slapped them on the face'',

 Well.. For your information my dear ''monkai'', beauty puts a smile on peoples face not slap!

To think it all started with a bloody pint of beer... smh.